


A Valentine's Day Distraction: Karaoke and Discounts

by Leata



Series: Common Deadpool Distractions [6]
Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: CEO Peter Parker, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Flirting, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Groping, Kissing, M/M, Mentioned Miles Morales, Protective Peter Parker, Sweet Miles Morales, Tumblr Prompt, Valentine's Day Fluff, mentioned Eleanor Camacho, older Peter Parker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-14 01:21:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29288238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leata/pseuds/Leata
Summary: After seeing a half-priced sign at a karaoke bar, Spider-Man just can’t say no to Deadpool’s masked date night idea.
Relationships: Peter Parker/Wade Wilson, The Boxes/Peter Parker/Wade Wilson
Series: Common Deadpool Distractions [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1897702
Comments: 4
Kudos: 49





	A Valentine's Day Distraction: Karaoke and Discounts

**Author's Note:**

> Completely started this as a one-off but somehow it just morphed into being part of this alt. universe. Thank you so much [BrattyAngel1980](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrattyAngel1980) for being an amazing beta. I appreciate you endlessly.
> 
> Written for Prompt #378 from @spideypool-prompts  
> Peter and Wade take advantage of the couples' discounts during Valentine’s Day so a store owner decides to ask for proof that they’re actually a couple or they get kicked out of the store/restaurant 
> 
> Happy Valentine’s Day Everyone! ❤️

"Petey! Light of my life! Center of my Spidey-Verse! We gotta go in!" Wade whined looking over his shoulder at an unmasked Spider-Man from his spot against the ledge of a Manhattan rooftop.

Spider-Man's mask hung loosely as Peter finished his last minute email before the couple went on a short patrol. Peter looked up from his phone, running a hand through his grey streaked hair with an affectionate sigh.

"We are not going into a random karaoke bar in our suits just because they have Valentine's deals, Wade. We promised we would finally watch that Jamie Foxx movie on Netflix with Miles, Ellie, and their friends tonight." Peter frowned, tilting his head at the fully suited Wade.

"But we barely did anything for V-Day!" Wade complained. Wade turned, hearing Peter sputter behind him. Wade held up a wagging finger, cutting off Peter’s objection. "Beating up baddies, take out, and ceiling sex does not count." 

Peter stashed his phone away only to raise his arms in protest. Peter's mouth opening and closing like a fish. "How does ceiling sex not count?!" Peter knew it had been good. No not good, _amazing_ sex. Top five best sex they’d had over the years. How could that not count? 

"Because our sex is always amazing sex, Baby Boy." Wade said with a dismissive wave, a hand on his hip as he watched Peter. 

_Mm last night was good though. Dat booty just don't quit._ Yellow reminisced at Peter's reminder.

 **Remind him of the value of a discount idiots.** White suggested, the eye roll seemed to emanate from the voice. 

_Ooh yeah! Petey can never resist a sale._ Yellow added excitedly.

Wade nodded at the suggestion. "Come on, Webs. It's half off food, drinks, **and** the karaoke bar! Your cheap sexy ass loves that stuff!" Wade said latching onto White's idea and pushing. "Plus we'll have plenty of time for food, a couple quick songs, and a short patrol before movie time. Promise." Wade said ending in a baiting voice. 

Peter was still frowning, turning his head from Wade. He looked over the roof's high edge at the sign posted in the window across the street below them. It was overly tempting. Even after making his millions with Parker Industries, he was still used to pinching pennies. He couldn't help but appreciate _affordable_ things. Peter wasn't cheap; he would just rather spend it on other things. There was a difference. 

**That got his attention.** White commented, sounding amused with itself. The voice always enjoyed getting Spider-Man to do what they wanted.

Wade smirked, jumping from one foot to the other knowing he was starting to convince the younger man. 

"Come on, Spidey!" Wade moved across the roof, wrapping his gloved hands around Spider-Man’s still trim waist. “It'll be fun! Just you and me. Like old times!" 

Peter was still looking down at the sign in the window even as Wade's fingers rubbed his sides idly. Peter's lips twitched from side to side thinking about it, knowing they were manipulating him. However, Wade had a point. It was still early and it was cheap. Peter had been hoping for a nap before starting up their entertainment system since both Miles and Ellie had said they wouldn’t be over until late. Late to the twenty-one-year-old Spider-Man and an outgoing seventeen-year-old was code for well past midnight. Peter wasn't a kid anymore; he had really been hoping for a nap and cuddles on their sofa. Peter sighed, his brown eyes turning back to Wade’s mask with a flat expression.

“Old times, huh? Let me throw you off the building for old time’s sake then.” Peter’s voice dripped with sarcasm. 

Wade let out a groan, his head falling back with it, at Peter's teasing. “Oh, he has jokes today!" Wade griped. "Not that old, webhead.” Wade’s hands shook Peter back and forth by his grip on Peter’s waist. “You’re killin’ me, Spides.”

Peter’s lips twisted in a crooked grin as he let Wade rock him back and forth. Leaning forward and releasing a chuckle, Peter placed an affectionate kiss on Wade’s masked chin. 

“Let’s see if they have Single Girls.” Peter suggested, unable to pass up making Wade happy… or half-priced fun.

Wade’s head snapped back, a smirk crinkled the edges of his mask. “Yes!” 

**He's so easy.** White said with a laugh in Wade's head.

 _He's so sweet._ Yellow argued.

 **Potato, Potahto. Jackass.** White bit back. Wade somehow felt the shrug.

Wade ignored them, letting go of Peter and running towards the edge of the tall building. Peter rolled his eyes somehow sensing the voice’s smugness. Spider-Man walked quickly after Deadpool as Wade made to dive off the ledge. Spider-Man's wrist snapping out to attach a web to the falling anti-hero. Peter released a relieved breath as he watched the thread of webbing slow the excited man's fall. Peter watched from the roof as Wade landed smoothly on his feet uninjured. Wade let out a laugh before giving Peter a thumbs-up over his shoulder. Peter rolled his eyes, hating Wade's confidence that Spider-Man will always catch him. It was nerve racking sometimes. 

"Would you be careful!" Peter grumbled down at him with a shake of his masked head. 

Wade waved him off, his smile beaming through his mask. Peter crossed his arms over his chest at the dismissal. Wade only grabbed his hand, tugging the masked hero across the street to the karaoke bar. 

“Your finest room for me and my lovely lover Spidey.” Deadpool drawled holding the door open for Spider-Man. “He couldn’t resist half-price anything if he tried." 

_You know...someone could trap him easily with it. Why don't more of Petey's villains use discount food to try and kill him?_ Yellow mused.

Deadpool tilted his head at Yellow's thought, his eyes turning to look back at Peter as he walked through the door behind him. The hero pulled his hand from Wade's putting them both on either of his hips. 

"Good question. Why don't more of your villains use discount food to try and trap you?" Wade repeated.

"Please don't give them ideas DP." Spider-Man reprimanded with a shake of his head as they walked up to the host's station. That plan could honestly work on him, especially if he was tired and hungry.

"It must be discussed!" Deadpool cried, raising his hands.

 _Seriously._ Yellow agreed.

 **Why have we never been concerned about this before?** White asked, suddenly focused on averting the potential threat. 

"Wade," Spider-Man said softly, his elbow nudging Deadpool's side.

"Right focusing. But seriously, we're talking about this. Boxes agree." Deadpool finished, though he wasn't going to let it go.

Spider-Man sighed at Wade's renewed determination, a smile playing over his masked lips. Peter tilted his head as he inspected the small space around them. His eyes riveting around the space and away from the podium and the man behind. A few scattered couples filling the front sitting and bar areas, a hallway led to the back rooms for karaoke. Most of the other customers spared the suited men a glance up from their conversations before returning to them, used to masked people walking around. Though a few stopped and took pictures of the two. Peter, being the friendly arachnid that he was, raised his hand in a wave smiling at them under his mask, leaving Wade to deal with the host.

“Spider-Man? Wait, you're with Deadpool?” A mid-height male host said as he looked up from his spot behind his little area. The black-haired man's eyes shooting back and forth between the two with a skeptical eyebrow.

"Yup! He caught me in his web." Deadpool answered without missing a beat.

Peter's smile grew beneath his mask, turning his head back from his waving for photos to Deadpool. Spider-Man turned to the host with an amused chuckle. 

“What can I say? I'm a sucker for a good laugh. Humor is sexy.” Spider-Man said with a carefree shrug. 

“There's no way that Spider-Man and Deadpool are a couple.” The host said leaning back in his stool, considering the two costumed men with disbelief. 

“What?! We are totes a couple!” Deadpool groaned, his hands going on his hips.

The host looked at the Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man. “Don’t you like, kill people?” He asked as he turned back to the ex-mercenary Deadpool once more.

“Less people.” Wade corrected, standing up straighter with his hands still on his hips, his chest puffed. “And those are sanctioned killings.”

The whites of Spider-Man's lenses narrowed on the twenty-something host. “Seems like none of your business.” The masked man's voice held a harsh edge. 

Peter's irritation spiked at a stranger bringing up Wade's career of murder as a reason why he and Spider-Man wouldn't be together. The man blinked at Spider-Man’s heated words and narrowed eyes. He hadn’t honestly believed it was the real Spider-Man or Deadpool until that action. The simple words dripped with the power that only an experienced super-hero could muster. 

“Holy Shit! It’s really Spider-Man and Deadpool!” He said sitting up straighter looking at Deadpool and over the weapons littering him that suddenly looked all too real. 

“Obviously.” Peter grumbled with an eye roll, his shoulder leaning on Wade’s side. “Can we get that booth now? And food.” Peter looked back at the growing cameras, his waving arm would get tired at this rate. 

“I, even more, don’t think you’re dating now. We don't do superhero discounts.” The man answered, crossing his arms over his chest looking between the two, holding his ground. 

**I wouldn't believe it if I wasn't stuck in your weird, chard, tumor-filled melon.** White spoke helpfully. 

_Still hard to believe._ Yellow added. 

Wade's shoulders sagged at the idea that the man didn't believe them and the boxes' harsh reminder. Deadpool's shoulders sagged further, pouting at the lack of faith in their relationship status, his arms hanging limply at his sides. Spider-Man frowned, looking over Deadpool's suddenly sullen mask. His head snapping to glare with narrowed lenses at the dark-haired man. 

Peter hated when Wade thought he wasn't good enough for him, let alone what Peter thought when others did. It had been ten years since Wade had moved in since Peter had word vomited his pining emotions. Wade wasn't as insecure in them as he once had been, however, Peter knew those feelings would never just vanish. As they became a couple Spider-Man's tolerance for anyone's lack of faith in Wade or their feelings for each other decreased dramatically. 

Peter rolled up his mask to his nose before turning with a smile to Wade. His fingers reached slowly to do the same to Deadpool's. The man let him easily, uncaring what anyone else said about his scars save for Peter. Peter's hand fell easily to the back of Wade's neck, guiding him down. Wade's smile was crooked, always appreciating kissing Peter's soft lips. Deadpool bent his head easily as Peter pulled him closer. The press of soft lips on chapped was calming, familiar, and unrushed. 

A chorus of _“Aws”_ and flashes started behind them from the couple's littering the front room. Both men ignored them, enjoying just a comforting kiss that pushed the whispering voices from Wade's mind. Deadpool's arm naturally wrapped around Spidey's waist before sliding lower to squeeze the firm suit-clad cheeks. The action brought a contented hum from Spider-Man's lips, too used to Wade's indulgences to mind the PDA. The bulkier muscled man pulled Peter flush against his front still resting his hands over his ass. Peter laid a hand on Wade's right pec as Wade continued to kiss him. The heated exchange only caused more murmurs around them. Spider-Man patted Wade’s chest before pulling back from the kiss, Wade being sure to squeeze his spandex-clad ass one more time before letting him pull back. Peter couldn't help but smile, his cheeks slightly rosy, at Wade's half masked face. Peter turned back to the male host, his smile vanishing into a tight line. 

“There. Couple. Give us half-priced food and songs.” Spider-Man said in a flat voice. One of Deadpool's arms still wrapped around him, Wade's right hand refused to let go of his ass until told to. 

“Anyone can kiss anyone. That doesn’t mean you two are a couple. Maybe Spider-Man’s just a cheapskate.” The host offered with a shrug of his shoulders.

 _Our Petey is a total cheapo._ Yellow chirped. 

**Third biggest character flaw. Right after his love for you two morons.** White said bitterly.

 _You're just jealous he still doesn't like you._ Yellow taunted the quietly grumbling voice.

“Spidey is a cheapskate.” Wade hummed nodding sagely agreeing with Yellow and ignoring White. His hand still nonchalantly groping Spider-Man's tight ass while his free-hand rolled his mask back down. 

“Wade!” Peter grumbled, landing a smack on Deadpool's defined peck, pulling back from his broad chest. The action finally pulled Wade's hands from his ass. “Stop telling people that! I like affordable things. New York is expensive.” He argued.

“See. That doesn’t look like a couple.” The host commented pointing to the less than gentle smack.

“Hey! We're a snow-fucking-flake. Don't settle us with your conformities!” Wade turned back pointing an accusing finger at him. 

**Can't we just kill him?** White said tiredly.

 _At this point...We're hungry._ Yellow hummed in agreement. 

The host winced back at the sudden full and direct attention of Deadpool. The man whispering out a rushed and fear-filled apology. The host eyed the weapons littering the masked man, from behind his raised hands. He shrunk back in his stool behind his podium at Deadpool's towering figure and narrowed lenses.

Peter’s still visible lips turned into a frown. He raised a hand to pat and rub Wade’s back with his left hand. Spider-Man ignored the whispered questions and picture taking. Photos that were surely already all over the internet as he soothed his lover and watched the host. His eyes were still focused on the frightened host even as he placated Deadpool. 

“Babe. Don’t waste your wonderful and threatening speech on him. Or your knives.” Spider-Man said before taking his hand off of Wade's back. Peter let out a sigh, pulling off his left glove. “Just take off your glove.”

 _Three months and we already forgot!_ Yellow gasped in surprise.

 **Because it's still unbelievable.** White commented.

Wade blinked, they had forgotten the heavy band just under his glove. His anger fizzling out in an instant at the daily reminder of Peter's love for him. “Oh yeah. Huh. You know this is easier than it used to be.” 

Peter chuckled with a nod as Wade worked on pulling off a glove. The dark-haired man watched in stunned silence as he watched the heroes take off their left-hand gloves displaying matching wedding bands. The only difference between the two identical gold bands were the engravings. Deadpool's ring having a Spidey symbol while a Deadpool mask was etched into Spider-Man’s. 

“I put a ring on it.” Deadpool said with a laugh, his jovial mood returning quickly. Listening to Yellow as the box waxed on in his head, much to White's annoyance, about their snowy wedding. 

“I want more than half-price after your sorry excuse for hosting." Peter announced as he crossed arms that could lift cars with ease over his slim chest. Spider-Man's narrowed lenses looked expectantly at the man. 

“You better have Single Girls after all this shit.” Deadpool added from Spider-Man's side matching his husband's stance.

The man blinked at the married couple, nodding quickly. “Of course Spider-Man. Lowest price I can." The man assured, quickly looking at Deadpool. "And we definitely have Single Girls!"

Wade clapped loudly, unable to resist the fist pump at the confirmation. Deadpool turned smirking down at Peter, excitement renewed for their impromptu pre-patrol Valentine's date. 

"Please come this way." He said with an uneasy smile.

Peter watched the host mark his sheet before standing to show them to a room in the back. Peter couldn't help his happiness at the extra discount on top of the couple's discount. He smiled turning back to Wade lacing their fingers and tugging him along and kissing his masked cheek. 

“Happy Valentine’s Day, Wade.” He said against Wade's mask.

“Happy Valentine's Day my precious penny pinch

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope y'all enjoyed it. I actually am working on two more of this little au so hopefully, they'll be out soonish. 
> 
> If you'd like to follow me for updates, previews or just to chat you can find me on Tumblr [@Leatafanfiction](https://leatafanfiction.tumblr.com)! ❤️


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